I'm always hesitant to talk about work. I am deathly afraid of being dooced, given that I bring in nearly half of our income. But suffice it to say, I am not happy with my new job. I am happy with my new benefits, I am happy with my new commute, I am happy with my new pay. But the other 9 hours of the day just blow.
The thing is, it's not that I am just a miserable employee. I just am not in the right job. My boss seems like a nice enough guy. Well, from what I know of him. Of course, I have been there 2 months and know only this about him. His name. Oh and I think he has a kid with ADHD because I saw a link on his Net History when he was showing me something. I work with mostly men, mostly very busy men who have no time for my bullshit. They are way too busy working to want to deal with someone like me who is off the street messing around with their cozy world filled with paper. And lots of paper. Lots and lots and lots of paper. Even if it is stored electronically, by freaking golly they are backing it up with paper. It is enough to drive someone like me who managed IT projects in a past life absolutely up a wall.
Then there is my office. It's a converted closet. Which means no freaking windows. And lights as bright as a tanning booth. I apply SPF 35 everyday before entering. My back faces the entryway, which has no door. So people are always sneaking up on my ass which is an uneasy feeling for comeone as claustropobic as I am. Didn't the work space designer ever see the Godfather? It's so cold where I sit I wear layers every day. Only to have to peel them off when the heat does finally come on and I start to sweat to death. The only people that talk to me all day are the ones in my computer. Which for someone like me, is pure torture. Last year I did a personality assessment called DiSC. I came out a high I. Which means that someone like me will wilt and die in an environment where the work is tedious *loving me some excel spreadsheets*, the culture does not allow brainstorming or presenting new ideas *check*, the environment is quiet *Um I talk to the people in my computer all day and have my radio on at all times*, the pace is too slow *have I mentioned the spreadsheets?* Basic, I am dying a little bit everyday. This environment is really fucking with my inner chi. And I do not like it one bit.
High I's generally are people people. I am a people person. I like people. I like talking. I like being friendly. I like being social. I like having parties. This place is sucking the fucking joy out of me. And seriously, it's through no fault of anyone I work with. No one has been mean to me, or demanding of me. They are just different from me. Quiet. Hardworking. No time for bullshit. And I am all about the bullshit. My few attempts to delver humor have been met with glazed over looks. Didn't they realize when they hired me that this is who I am?....I bring the funny. It's not my mad skillz that make me an enjoyable colleague.
So there you have it. I am really effing homesick for L*incoln. I miss my co-workers, I miss my CUBICLE(of all things), I miss going to lunch with friends once a month or so, I miss laughing, I miss funny e-mails from co-workers, I miss running meetings(Yeah, it doesn't seem I get to do that much anymore). I even miss those disgusting pot luck lunches I despised. I have been so incredibly depressed that it has taken me almost 2 months to even talk on the phone to my former colleagues. I called my friend Lori the other day and got so sad and nostalgic I had to get off the phone. I don't know if I am just having a hard time with change or if it is the job. All I know is that I miss my old job. I miss knowing what I am talking about (after a decade in insurance, it is safe to say I had that skill set) and I even miss having a commute (it's amazing how much of a destressor that really was).
I know. I should shut up and be grateful this is my only problem. And be thankful for having a job. Which I am. But it doesn't mean I have to enjoy it.
