My friend N*ancy asked us to go to The Dizzznneey with her family. I
think I have mentioned her before. She works at the same very liberal
Ivy colored place I do as well as having kids roughly the same age as
mine (a little younger by some months). Anyway, we've gotten to be
pretty good friends. I told Emily this morning that she is my new
BFF, which makes me feel like a big poser because I hate when people
replace their BFF's all the time. I guess I am forgiven here because I
only ADDED her to my group of BFF's and didn't remove anyone from the
dubious distinction of having to put up with my crazy.
Anyway, I turned her down. And I bet you all think it's because I am
anti- The Dizzzznneeyyy, huh? Au contraire. I would love nothing more
than staying for free at someone else's time share and getting drunk
for a week straight while sill having my children around me (you know,
because I like to set a good example early on for them to follow). The
truth is, besides the obvious lack of funds that my husband reminds me
daily about, I fear this:
http://www.wbir.com/news
I have traveled via air with a toddler before. As a matter of fact, I
flew by myself with the Mister at about the Sisters current age, give
or take a month or two. I was 4.5 months pregnant and it was the
worst experience I have ever had besides giving birth to a sunny side
up baby after a 54 hour labor or having a 36 hour gall bladder attack.
It was a 45 minute flight that took 45 hours. In all fairness to the
Mister, he did have an outbreak of this going on:
http://www.usc.edu/hsc/dental
you had big old sores on your tongue and were two years old and
couldn't eat, you'd be pretty miserable as well. Anyway, on the way
to my destination, I sat next to a lovely gentleman who made the
Mister laugh (he was in a car seat-I heeded some sage advice and
bought him his own seat) and who helped me with the Mister while I
tried to locate my incorrectly routed luggage and rental car.
Sometimes the kindness of strangers is amazing. Seriously, if it
weren't for this guy, I would have had a nervous breakdown on the trip
there, not on the actual trip, which I subsequently did in the privacy
of my budget hotel room later that night.
On the trip back, I was not so lucky. The Mister wanted no part of
being calm and quiet in his seat. Given that we were packed in like
cattle, there was just enough room for the Mister's short legs to be
able to reach and kick the guy sitting in front of us. It was a
commuter flight, so there were lots of business travelers. I have
been a business traveler. I appreciate the fact that the everyday
tourist and their load of carry on crap that does not fit in the
overhead bins is annoying to the carry-on only Crackberry user.
However¡K¡KAt this point, I felt no sympathy for anyone other than
myself (and my boy, but that was secondary to my own feelings-sorry,
Bud). Despite my pleadings for my darling devil baby to stop kicking
the man in front of him, the Mister continued to do so. My solution
was to hold his feet. And then he started screaming. He was already
in a pissy mood from his tongue, so he was going to be pissy about
everything. So, the more I held his feet, the more he screamed. The
more he screamed, the more people stared. The more that people
stared, the more I wanted to climb under my seat and hide, leaving
this demon child all to his lonesome. So, like any good mother, I let
him resume the kicking in favor of stopping the screaming. In front
of me sat "Mister I am so important that I brought my laptop to work
on the plane even though my company cares so little about me that they
stuffed my A$$ in coach with the rest of the trash". He turned
around, looked at me, looked at my belly (disgusted that such a
terrible mother was procreating AGAIN), looked at the Mister and said
(and I quote) "Can you tell your kid to stop kicking my seat". I had
enough at this point with EVERY member of the male species. I whipped
my bloated pregnant head around and said "Listen Mister (okay I called
him A$$hole), it's either my kid kicks your seat or you and the rest
of the plane listen to him scream for the next 43 minutes. Take your
pick". If you know me, that is so not like me. The unneeded and
poor example swearing, yes. The confrontational nature, no. But for
some reason, I was royally annoyed with this guy. He knew the BS I
was going through and yet he still had the audacity to confront me. He
is lucky I didn't pick up his ThinkPad and smack him upset his head
with it. Granted, the first mistake I made was even getting on the
plane with the Mister and his erroneously diagnosed tongue (I believe
they thought it was thrush at the time, I can't remember), but I laid
500.00 out for those tickets. I would be damned if I was blowing that
amount of money on a wasted trip. In retrospect, I shouldn't have
bothered as I had a terrible time, but hind site is 20/20. The real
mistake I made was even attempting to fly with an unpredictable child
in the first place.
Last year we flew the same route with both kids. The Mister, at 4,
had grown up enough that he was good on the plane (and even sang
Johnny cash songs on the loudspeaker while we were delayed on the
tarmac). The sister at 18 months was an effing nightmare. I
apparently did not learn my lesson in 2004.
Fast forward to 2007. I have an invite to the Dizzzneeey. That will
require a 2+ hour plane ride. My 2 year old is a tantrum thrower, a
feisty little minion with lung power that can break glass. Her moods
are hit or miss. I hardly want to take her to a restaurant, never
mind keep her cooped up for 1100 miles in an air prison. So, I am
turning N*ancy down. Because while I *think* that she might be okay,
I am not sure that I can trust that my toddler will not make us end up
in the news or her mother in jail. And I don't care how strict you
are as a parent, to say that your exemplary parenting abilities can
prevent situations like this in every child under age 3 is kind of
silly. Well, at least if your kids are like mine. Which, from my
experience, half of the population are. My solution for their
inability to perform like the angels that society requires them to be
is simply not to bring them to venues where there age appropriate
behavior is not tolerated. And I am sorry, but a 3 year old pitching
a melodramatic fit on a plane-Totally age appropriate. A year later-
a whole nother bag of chips, but at 3 I will cut the kid and parents
some slack. Oh hell, even at 4 I'd cut some slack to the parents and
kids-you never know what causes kids to act up. You have no idea what
is going on in people's lives in the 2 hours you are acquainted with
them. You wouldn't know until you have walked in their shoes.
I get the feeling that I am about the only person who could relate to
those parents on that Air Tran flight. According to People Magazine
(which is where I get all of my hard news and data ), 90% of the
commenter's to the Boston Globe article were in favor of the airline.
And while I am not sure what the airline did was wrong or right, I do
not think people should be so judgmental of the parents. People (and
people!) thinks (and think) that these parents are the worst parents
since Britney and K-Fed. I see it a little different.
I know when I was traveling for work a lot last year, it never failed
that I was often seated next to a weary Mom and an even wearier child.
I think it was my punishment for "not keeping my A$$ home where I
belonged". The truth is, I enjoyed entertaining children other than
my own and giving their mom a break. I generally made every effort to
make the kid laugh. I wonder if anyone did that for Elly Kulesza? I
wonder if her worn out parents just ran out of ideas for keeping her
amused and calm? I wonder if they had previously traveled with her
under good circumstances and never anticipated this happening?
You have no idea what was going on with that kid that day. She could
have slept terribly. She could have had some sort of sensory issue
going on where being confined in a small space made her flip out. I
know my Mister does not do well in settings where there are a ton of
people in a small space. He really acts up and becomes almost like
another kid. We call that kid "The Anti-D*aniel" Come to think of it,
I am ready to crawl out of my skin myself when I am with lots of
people I tight quarters. I need my space people. I would imagine that
would be hard for a 3 year old to articulate? Maybe Elly Kulezsa
needed hers, too?
Okay, I 'll shut up¡Kand just think¡KIt could be worse¡K.I could be
writing about this¡K¡K. http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id
And that would be a whole other can of worms that we need not open up.
Oh and one other thing...
This NASA thing? OMG-The DIAPERS. Hey, that gave me an idea...maybe when I do finally go on a plane with the Girl, to avoid having to bring her to the potty with me, maybe I should just.........Ah, never mind....
